Friday, 1 November 2013

life carries on

Hi All

yes life carries on, just thought I would let you know an update, I have had my stitches out and able to move my arm more, got physio soon. I have been doing a few minis, just tiny stuff. I am busy sorting through my bead collection. Its one of those jobs that you never get round to doing.

My dad has decided to sell off his railway collection and he is giving me some of his storage cabinets and drawers, I can always make use of them. I will have the job of putting them on ebay for him. 

Now for my mum, she has an appointment next Wednesday, so we will know then what he is going to do. She has not been to good, the Doctor put her on steroids to try to ease her breathing. I spoke to her last night and she was very upset, she even said she would ask the Doctor to send her to hospital as she was so fed up with feeling so ill, I found this very upsetting and had a few tears when I came of the phone, for my mum to say that, she is someone who would never go into hospital for any reason. I feel so helpless, I am not able to go over very often, I ring her everyday sometimes twice a day, I am going over tomorrow just to be with her.

I am someone who never talks about my feelings and am always the one who every one turns to and am re guarded as the strong one,  I just want someone to be strong for me, to hold me and tell me it will be ok, I am dreading next week and will be waiting at her house for her to come back.

I lost my dad when he was 56, it was sudden and unexpected, I lost my daughter just before her 4th birthday and I knew she had a condition tat was slowly killing her, and I do not know which is worse, the sudden or the waiting. Looking at my mum now I do not know how she can carry on, her breathing is so bad, she struggles every day,  I want to take it all away, hold her and never let her go. My step-dad is trying so hard to be positive, and he comes over to see me, for me to hold him and comfort him. 

I sit here now, with tears flowing, but in some way this is giving me comfort, know I can write my feelings down and you care, thank you all for the support you are giving me, I know on here I can say what I feel.

well life goes on and I had better put on my smile and face the day ahead
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