Friday, 1 November 2013

life carries on

Hi All

yes life carries on, just thought I would let you know an update, I have had my stitches out and able to move my arm more, got physio soon. I have been doing a few minis, just tiny stuff. I am busy sorting through my bead collection. Its one of those jobs that you never get round to doing.

My dad has decided to sell off his railway collection and he is giving me some of his storage cabinets and drawers, I can always make use of them. I will have the job of putting them on ebay for him. 

Now for my mum, she has an appointment next Wednesday, so we will know then what he is going to do. She has not been to good, the Doctor put her on steroids to try to ease her breathing. I spoke to her last night and she was very upset, she even said she would ask the Doctor to send her to hospital as she was so fed up with feeling so ill, I found this very upsetting and had a few tears when I came of the phone, for my mum to say that, she is someone who would never go into hospital for any reason. I feel so helpless, I am not able to go over very often, I ring her everyday sometimes twice a day, I am going over tomorrow just to be with her.

I am someone who never talks about my feelings and am always the one who every one turns to and am re guarded as the strong one,  I just want someone to be strong for me, to hold me and tell me it will be ok, I am dreading next week and will be waiting at her house for her to come back.

I lost my dad when he was 56, it was sudden and unexpected, I lost my daughter just before her 4th birthday and I knew she had a condition tat was slowly killing her, and I do not know which is worse, the sudden or the waiting. Looking at my mum now I do not know how she can carry on, her breathing is so bad, she struggles every day,  I want to take it all away, hold her and never let her go. My step-dad is trying so hard to be positive, and he comes over to see me, for me to hold him and comfort him. 

I sit here now, with tears flowing, but in some way this is giving me comfort, know I can write my feelings down and you care, thank you all for the support you are giving me, I know on here I can say what I feel.

well life goes on and I had better put on my smile and face the day ahead

6 comments:

Steinworks said...

oh you poor dear, you are in my prayers..Hugs to you!

Beatriz Fernández said...

Debbie, desde aqui le mando un abrazo muy fuerte con todo cariño deseandole que todo salga bien para su madre.

Wyrna Christensen said...

I do not know what I had to write to you Debbie. You really have to face many challenges in your life. I understand, so well, that you need someone, watching over you, it's so hard always to be the strong one and where have you been strong. Losing a daughter, the worst thing for a mother, it must have been so difficult.
I wish you lots of strength in this wait time
Hugs and many thoughts
Wyrna

Drora's minimundo said...

Dear Debbie,
I read this and I cry for you. I wish I was there to hold your hand. Let's hope for better and ease for your mum and for your family.
Take care and recuperate quickly.
A big warm hug, Drora

Elizabeth S said...

I am sadden by you suffering and I wish that there would be someone whose shoulder you could lean on, Debbie. I turn to God when I am feeling so helpless and life seems overwhelming. I pray that you will find some comfort too! All we can do is get through the day placed before us. One day at a time.

elizaberth

Lady Jane said...

I haven't blogged for some time as I was having probs with blogger but now I seem to be ok with it. At least for a while. I am saddened to hear of so much pain in your life right now. My hubby had a years of 2 surgeries and radiation to contend with and it is not easy keeping a stiff upper lip for all concerned I well know. You and yours are in my prayers Debbie.